Bad News/Good News

I know it's been awhile again that I posted on here since I've been busy with school and trying to figure out my job stuff.  I had left my one job due to lack of hours and also lack of understanding my health issues by some of my supervisors, which caused my anxiety to get bad.  I went back to a job I had one and a half years ago and loved working there, I was so excited to work there again.  I guess, I never realized the job was actually harder than I thought.  For those that don't know, it's a sales associate job at a department store, doesn't seem hard I know, but it is on the body.  I was crying after being up on my feet for two to three hours with no break (you get a break if you work five hours) and my arms were hurting from lifting so many clothes.  I started this job at the beginning of the month and it makes me so depressed that I had to leave so soon.  Sadly since I had to end up job without a two weeks notice (there was no way I could handle it for another two weeks, especially with the eight hour shifts), they will not hire me based on company policy even though it's because of a health issue.  I actually broke down crying when I was telling them, but it's out of HR's hand because it's the company policy.

The plan is to go jobless for awhile until my health gets better, which hopefully will once I see my new Endocrinologist and I start (hopefully again) getting better treatment.  I am pretty sure that my adrenal is one of the reasons my reverse T3 is so high, so that needs to be taken care of so the medication can work for me. 

The 24th of April was my 28th birthday, which was pretty depressing for me not only because I was working, but because where I am in life.  I'm not married though I do have a boyfriend, I don't have kids nor one on the way, I don't have a degree as I just started college last year, I don't have a car or a place of my own, and so on... and yet I'm close to being 30 years old.  On top of that I don't know if I still have cancer, I still don't have my old life back or close to and I continue to keep getting worse. 

Okay... some good news, so far I am still make straight A's in school and running for Publicity Director for Phi Theta Kappa.  When I filled out FAFSA I said I wanted to apply for work-study, so hopefully I can get that in hopes to be able to pay my bills.  I have my school reunion on June 1st in Austin, TX that I plan to go to and at the same time visit friends and family.  I'm going to try posting on here more often now that I am jobless, but also work on comic and game idea outlining and scripting, so I can get closer to actually start working on the final product.

That is all for now...

Achievement: College

I started going to college this summer after not being in school for nine years and it would be at the end of that semester that I started having breathing issues.  It would be on the first day of my second semester that I had the biopsy of the main nodule on my thyroid.  I would be my fourth week of classes to find out I have cancer and my 6th week to get the gland removed.  I would become behind in two of my three classes and have to play catch up with them.  I struggled staying awake and having the energy to do my classwork, but I never gave up even though I felt like my world was falling apart.  I was determined to not allow my cancer to take my future away from me... my dreams and my passion.  I held on tight to those with both hands as I dealt with my cancer and as I continue to deal with it and the aftermath.  I was able to pass my classes while dealing with all of that, the physical, and emotional pains.

I checked my school email account yesterday to see if I got my semester GPA, my overall GPA, and my academic standing... and I was shocked to what I found.  I got on the Dean's List and mind you, I've never been on the honor roll when I was in school, but to get this while dealing with cancer... it just... wow.  To me, this has taught me that even though you are ill, you can still achieve things, great things, and don't let someone tell you otherwise.

My next goal is to get on the Dean's List again next semester!

Supposedly Normal

So... with the chest pains and breathing issues, I think I finally figured out what's wrong: pneumonia.  There's a likely chance that I got fluid in my lungs during my surgery and now months waiting to see if these pains and breathings will go away, it has now became an infection... so in other words, pneumonia.  I have the nausea, bowel issues, the fever, the weakness, the shaking (at times), breathing and swallowing issues, fast heart rate, and chest pains, especially when I breath in.  I was suppose to go to the hospital yesterday, but since Justin's final for school was yesterday, we had to wait until he was done... then his mom took the car to go to work herself.  I had to wait until today to go, so now I'm waiting for him to wake up... take a shower and then we can leave.

Well.. since I never got to finish this post when I originally started it... I'm just going to continue on from here.  I'm now back from the hospital (I went there around 1pm and left at 3:30pm on Thursday) and they found nothing wrong.  We did blood work and a CT scan and with those it showed I had no blood clot and no pneumonia, which I figured I had.  The only thing that did show up was that I had a very small area in the upper part of my left lung, but they said it shouldn't be what's causing my issues.  So what is?  I have to follow up with my family care doctor in four days (actually in five since in four days would be Christmas) and I have no clue what else we are going to do.  I'm at a lost.  I love how the paper they gave me when I was leaving said to get immediate care if I'm having shortness of breath and I'm already dealing with it.  I also wasn't too happy when they gave me the paper and let me go... I wasn't able to read it before I got released and the doctor didn't let me know this information either, for the next few days I'm suppose to avoid doing any physical activities that causes my chest pain to get worse.  I work at Sam's Club as a cashier!  Everything I do will cause it to be worse... I needed a real doctor's note to give to work to excuse me from being absent.

I already called off four days this month.... to note, I only can work two days a week right now, so I have been scheduled five days so far not counting this Saturday.  I can't miss anymore days, but if I go to work I'm afraid I will collapse at work from the chest pain and not being able to breath.  So I don't what to do and I feel like crying.  I went to bed around 9:30-ish and woke up at 4am with feeling hungry and having horrible chest pains, but since I was hungry I had to eat something so decided on some chips.  With opening up the bag, it brought tears to my eyes from the pain and then eating somehow made it worse and also made my stomach sick.  I haven't been able to eat much this week because I keep getting sick to my stomach and then my chest starts hurting too.

I want my life back!