Busy, busy, busy... oi

A lot has been going on and I'm almost at the point of going insane... I'm trying hard to keep myself together.  On the 14th of May I went to my second endocrinologist, who didn't seem to be able to read my pathology report or knows anything about variants.  I had to tell her that they narrow my cancer down to four aggressive types, which she was like "well it says you have papillary cancer"... to which I said "Yes, the main is papillary cancer, but there are variants," which that was pretty much ignored.  She also didn't understand the blood work orders and my medication adjustments.  We had to explain the labs were done first and then the medication was adjusted based on those orders.  She claimed based on my lab reports that it seems like the 125 mcg of Levothyroxine was close to the dosage I needed.  I told her I didn't understand was my labs showed my TSH was high and I felt like crap just like I did on 175 mcg and 150 mcg.

I tried to get her to order adrenal saliva test and my full iron panel, but she refused just like the other one.  She claimed that my issues might not be thyroid related, but still refuses to see if I have an adrenal problem (also in the endocrine system).  These results could explain why my medication isn't working along with other symptoms I have been experiencing.  I also explain to her that my family seems to have a lot of endocrine problems: kidneys, stomach, and thyroid, so it's reasonable to think I am having another endocrine problem that could be messing things up.  Still got no for the tests.  The thing with ordering tests is... I can order them online (really expensive though), but I have insurance and doctors that can order them for me and I am still paying for them... so what's the big deal?

She then tried to get me back on synthetic medication, which I got angry as she wouldn't do anything I wanted and she expects me to throw my body back into that crap?!  She claims that the natural thyroid medication is bad for the heart and bones (actually natural thyroid medication is good for the bones, it has improved people's bone density).  I felt like saying to her that sometimes heart medication can be bad for the heart as well, but are people going to stop taking needed heart medication because others had issues?  No, they aren't since what works for others, doesn't always work for other people.  This is why they are a lot of companies making their own version of the medications as there are many ways to make them with different fillers and such as not everyone can absorb the same medication the same way.

She also claimed that my natural thyroid medication is too high (basing this on the results from my last Levothyroxine test that was done in MARCH), but I agree, thinking it was too big of a jump as I was basing it on the UPS numbers.  I was willing to lower my dosage, but not willing to change my medication.  She was not happy with this and ordered the normal tests.  Well I got some of my lab results today (TSH, Free T4, and Free T3)... My TSH increased (which is good since it was .020 before), but my FT4 and FT3 decreased, so I might need to increase my medication and not decrease it.  Now I am wondering if it will be easy now to order my Reverse T3, adrenal saliva test, and full iron panel... probably not.

Then on Tuesday I have to go to Ohio's Department of Human Services for a two hour interview thing about work stuff.  I'm just hoping my last work place sent them the paper that said I quit due to medical issues... I hope so, if not I might be screwed big time.  Tuesday is also the funeral of my fiance's grandmother and I couldn't reschedule the interview since there was no information on the paper about it.  On top of that, we are leaving this Friday for 2.5 weeks, so yeah... had to reschedule it.

Then starting today I am in Summer classes... yay, lol.  Luckily the full semester I only have two classes, but the second half there is a third added to it.  I should do fine this semester as it doesn't seem hard, just a lot of work in the one class.  Oh!  Spring semester I got a 4.0, which makes me be on the Dean's List a second time and making my overall GPA to be a 3.7, yay!

When I come back from my trip, I'm going to talk to one of the advisers from the school I went to transfer to talk about my Bachelor degree stuff.  I am thinking of skipping my Associates and go straight into my Bachelor's to save some time and some money.  Just have to see what I find out from the school before I make that decision.

Learning to Care: How We Made It Through Cancer

So... I said I was going to do this on Thursday, but I was asleep most of the day and then had an appointment.  Sorry!  I'm going to make this a Friday event thing on the blog now.  If you have a story to share just email me.

This story is from Cameron about his wife's and his story on their struggle with life and cancer.  I think it's a story that needs to be shared.

On November 21st, 2005, my wife and I started a journey that would prove to be one of the most difficult challenges we’d ever face. This is the day that my wife was diagnosed with cancer, malignant pleural mesothelioma. It was also the moment in my life when I was no longer just a husband. I became a caregiver for someone who had cancer. I wasn't necessarily prepared for this kind of a job, but I did everything that I could to be there for my wife. It came at a strange time in our lives. We were just starting to figure out how to parent a newborn, our first and only. Our daughter Lily was born just three months before my wife's diagnosis.

I started my job as a caregiver the moment that my wife found out she had cancer. I was with her in the doctor's office, and the look on her face sent me into a panic. I didn't know what we were going to do as the doctor talked about treatment options. There were three different places that we could go, one of which was a specialist named Dr. David Sugarbaker in Boston. My wife was too shocked and paralyzed by fear to consider any of these options, and I knew that I had to make a decision for my family. I turned to the doctor and said, “Get us to Boston!”  Soon after, my wife would begin treatment there, and there would be a lot of questions about how we were going to survive as a family.

The next few months were chaotic for my family. I was still working or at least, trying to work. I had so much stress from the bills, taking care of Lily while also taking care of my wife that I wasn't really sure how I got through those first few months. I wasn't at my best all the time, and despite my best efforts to stay positive I often imagined the worst case scenario, my wife passing away and leaving me a broke, widowed single father with a daughter who would never really know her mother. These were the darkest of days, and more than once I broke down crying under the pressure.  However, despite having these weak moments I never let Heather see my fears.  I knew she needed me to be strong for her.

My wife's family is extremely caring. They came through for us at a time when we needed them most. Not only did they provide financial support for us during a really hard time but they helped take care of Lily, and offered kind words of encouragement to help us get through the rough times.

If you are a caregiver in a similar situation, take these lessons from someone who has been there before.  Don’t’ be afraid or ashamed to ask for help.  Allow yourself to have bad days, these are inevitable and even necessary at times.  Use every resource available to you, and above all else never, ever give up hope for a better tomorrow.

After months of grueling mesothelioma treatment, Heather came out the other side cancer-free, and has remained so for nearly seven years.  We hope that by sharing our experiences, we can help inspire all those currently in their own cancer battles today. 

Cameron has a blog of his own that if any of you care to read more about what his and his family have been dealing with and continue to deal with, here's the link: http://www.mesothelioma.com/blog/authors/cameron/

Two Days Before Surgery

TO NOTE:  Some of this may not be exactly how it happened as the memory can play tricks on you.... so yeah.

The only thing at that moment that I was looking forward to was seeing my parents of the Monday before my surgery.  My mom was talking about once they land they were thinking about having lunch at this local place called Little York Tavern.  They used to live in the area and were missing this place, so they really wanted to have it while they were up here.  So I plotted what time we needed to get up to meet them at the airport to surprise them and everything, but by the time we left we were afraid that we couldn't meet them at the airport.  I had to figure out a new plan, so I started texting my parents as soon as I found out they landed and see if they were going to do lunch still and also what kind of car they were renting.  We got to the food place, parked in their lot far enough from the entrance to not be seen, and waited... waited... and waited until we saw them walking into the tavern.  I waited until they got through the door and then we exited the car, quickly making our way in.  My parents, as usual, went into the bar area to sit and I followed behind them not making a sound.  They were about to sit down and my dad was facing me and I quickly motioned him to not notice me, so I can surprise my mom, who's back was still facing me.  I believe I tapped her shoulder, so she would turn around and she was shocked to see me.  We all hugged, well minus Justin as he's not the hugging type, and we all sat down for lunch.  It was nice and made my day to see my parents just with Justin and me early in the day.

Now I think after that my parents went to their hotel and we went back home, so we can all nap for awhile and get ready for that night as my sister was going to go out to dinner with all of us.  The last time I saw my sister was once during my summer classes and before that was two years... sadly, I've been trying to see her and talk to her, but she's never able to because she's working or partying with friends.  The last time I saw her now was October 5th as she dropped off my mom, so we could take her to the airport and only saw her for like two, maybe three minutes.

I called for reservations for P.F. Changs and then went to Walmart to get my dad a birthday cake since my surgery day is on his birthday and also went to the Hallmark at the Dayton Mall to buy his birthday card.  After that we went to the restaurant and waited to be seated as we were the first ones there.  Some time after, not by much, my sister and parents showed up and sat down in the booth.  The dinner was nice though the conversation seemed mostly about my sister since she never really acknowledge that the main reason our parents were there was because of me and my cancer.  At times I felt like I was forgotten about within the conversation and it kinda hurt me... though luckily my mom was sitting next to me and was talking to me at times.  I know Justin was more annoyed than me about the situation at dinner that night.  I understood that she hadn't seen our parents for along time too, but it would have been nice if she realized they were there mainly for me.  I don't even remember a time at the table she talked to me about my situation or a time that we talked about something other than her.

After dinner Justin and I went over to the hotel that they were staying at, so we can again spend time with it just being the four of us.  I had brought with me the prayer scarf my Godmother (my mom's best friend from 5th grade) had asked her church to make me (it's so pretty I really need to take a picture of it) and the Precious Moment statue I was going to give my mom for Christmas, I figured to give it to her then since I didn't know when I would be down next and also figured my parents can fly it down more safely than I could.  I think we spent four hours or more just chatting with them.  It felt like I never moved out and it felt so nice that I didn't want to leave the room.

The next day mom and I planned to go to Buffalo Wild Wings to have lunch with just the two of us like old times.  Justin was going to drop me off at the hotel room and then my dad was going to drop us off at the food place while he did his own thing.  Before dropping us off though my dad asked me to take him to my workplace, Sam's Club, to get something and also I had to to get paperwork from there, I believe.  I can't remember now.  I told some of my co-workers of what was going on.  It was nice to see my fellow workers concern over my health and well-being and hearing their get well wishes.

Then my dad dropped us off to the food place and sat in the booths like usual...  Justin and I go to this Buffalo Wild Wings at least once or twice a week, so everyone there pretty much knows us.  I think we spent two to three hours there since it had been a VERY long time my mom and I were able to do this.  Also it was nice to not have the guys around, nothing wrong with them, but sometimes the topics you want to get into or stay on never happen, especially when it comes to my dad (he changes topic to topic so fast).  At this point I was telling my mom how much I wanted my dad to stay an extra day, so he can see me the rest of the day of my surgery and also the next day when I'm more awake.  I even talked about Justin and I paying a fourth each of the changing flight price.  At this time she said she would try talking to him later about it.

Once dad picked us up and Justin met up with us at the hotel, we went to my sister's place, so my parents can see where she lives and her cat.  Then we went to the TGI Friday's in her area for dinner and again dinner was okay, but the conversation wasn't the greatest.  My dad was playing around on his iPhone and my sister was mainly talking about her situation.  This is now the day right before my surgery, so I'm getting nervous and upset.  Luckily Justin noticed this and started comforting me by scratching my head (this usually calms me down) and also my mom and dad noticed, asking if I was okay.  I started crying at one point and Justin just hugged me, letting me cry on him.

After dinner... we went back to the hotel (minus my sister) and at one point my mom talked to my dad about staying the extra day.  From what I remember originally he said no until he heard how Justin and I were willing to help pay for him to stay the extra day including paying for the hotel stay since this showed him how much I wanted and needed him to be there.  Also there was the situation of my sister being mad about dinner how all he did was being on his iPhone, so all of this made him decide to stay the extra day and planned Wednesday night to be a dinner with him, my mom, and my sister.  He even went as far as booking a cheaper hotel room in the same area as they were before, so they were still closer to my sister's area (I think originally he was thinking about booking it closer to my hospital) to make it possible for them to do this, but it never happened because of my sister.

After the hotel visit, Justin and I went back home, so we could pack up and set our alarms, we had to leave the house around 6am.  It took me forever to fall asleep, but eventually I did.