Friday, August 23, 2013

Denied... Again

Yesterday was a very depressing day for me and I just don't know what to do anymore.  I got denied for Disability and Social Security Income (SSI) a second time, which means the next step is to wait a year or so for court to fight this.  I started crying as soon as I got the mail.  It just feels like everyone is stopping me from getting better since I need money for treatment, medication, insurance, and finding doctors that will actually treat me.  I feel so dead right now and don't know what I should do as I know myself that I can't work.

My legs have been getting so bad this past month that I might be getting a wheelchair in a month or two, so I am able to get around school since this semester and the next two I will have classes that I have to take exams at the campus.  Oh and once I transfer to my four-year college, all of my classes are at campus.  I also need it so I can go out shopping and not have to worry about falling in the store.  I feel like the muscles in my legs are dying and there's nothing I can do to stop it.  Also feel like no doctor believes me about my issues and won't do anything about them.  I'm afraid to go to a doctor again to be disappointed and become more depressed.

I messaged a OB/GYN's office that also deals with hormone treatment, meaning they do ALL of the testing for thyroid care including the cortisol saliva test.  I also finally messaged my ENT to see if we can move up my appointment since I feel two large bumps in my neck near my jaw, issues with breathing and swallowing again, and pain.  Here's hoping I get these appointments soon.

Also Sunday (8/18) marked Justin's and my fifth year anniversary, so there's something to be happy about.  Today after finding out about being denied help, we went to the mall to finally get our anniversary cards at the Hallmark at the mall and saw that they were hiring.  I am thinking of applying though I probably can't do the job, but I need money to pay my insurance and all the bills.  If anything I can try to do the job until the end of the holiday season (unless it starts to kill me).

In other news, I got on the Dean's List for the third time and this time with a 4.0!  I am currently taking Eastern Religions, Business Statistics, and Microeconomics, so 10 credit hours total.  Oh!  I also have lost 10 pounds by watching my calorie intake, I have 60 more to go.  I hope to get down to my ideal weight by summer of next year.

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