Monday, May 20, 2013

Busy, busy, busy... oi

A lot has been going on and I'm almost at the point of going insane... I'm trying hard to keep myself together.  On the 14th of May I went to my second endocrinologist, who didn't seem to be able to read my pathology report or knows anything about variants.  I had to tell her that they narrow my cancer down to four aggressive types, which she was like "well it says you have papillary cancer"... to which I said "Yes, the main is papillary cancer, but there are variants," which that was pretty much ignored.  She also didn't understand the blood work orders and my medication adjustments.  We had to explain the labs were done first and then the medication was adjusted based on those orders.  She claimed based on my lab reports that it seems like the 125 mcg of Levothyroxine was close to the dosage I needed.  I told her I didn't understand was my labs showed my TSH was high and I felt like crap just like I did on 175 mcg and 150 mcg.

I tried to get her to order adrenal saliva test and my full iron panel, but she refused just like the other one.  She claimed that my issues might not be thyroid related, but still refuses to see if I have an adrenal problem (also in the endocrine system).  These results could explain why my medication isn't working along with other symptoms I have been experiencing.  I also explain to her that my family seems to have a lot of endocrine problems: kidneys, stomach, and thyroid, so it's reasonable to think I am having another endocrine problem that could be messing things up.  Still got no for the tests.  The thing with ordering tests is... I can order them online (really expensive though), but I have insurance and doctors that can order them for me and I am still paying for them... so what's the big deal?

She then tried to get me back on synthetic medication, which I got angry as she wouldn't do anything I wanted and she expects me to throw my body back into that crap?!  She claims that the natural thyroid medication is bad for the heart and bones (actually natural thyroid medication is good for the bones, it has improved people's bone density).  I felt like saying to her that sometimes heart medication can be bad for the heart as well, but are people going to stop taking needed heart medication because others had issues?  No, they aren't since what works for others, doesn't always work for other people.  This is why they are a lot of companies making their own version of the medications as there are many ways to make them with different fillers and such as not everyone can absorb the same medication the same way.

She also claimed that my natural thyroid medication is too high (basing this on the results from my last Levothyroxine test that was done in MARCH), but I agree, thinking it was too big of a jump as I was basing it on the UPS numbers.  I was willing to lower my dosage, but not willing to change my medication.  She was not happy with this and ordered the normal tests.  Well I got some of my lab results today (TSH, Free T4, and Free T3)... My TSH increased (which is good since it was .020 before), but my FT4 and FT3 decreased, so I might need to increase my medication and not decrease it.  Now I am wondering if it will be easy now to order my Reverse T3, adrenal saliva test, and full iron panel... probably not.

Then on Tuesday I have to go to Ohio's Department of Human Services for a two hour interview thing about work stuff.  I'm just hoping my last work place sent them the paper that said I quit due to medical issues... I hope so, if not I might be screwed big time.  Tuesday is also the funeral of my fiance's grandmother and I couldn't reschedule the interview since there was no information on the paper about it.  On top of that, we are leaving this Friday for 2.5 weeks, so yeah... had to reschedule it.

Then starting today I am in Summer classes... yay, lol.  Luckily the full semester I only have two classes, but the second half there is a third added to it.  I should do fine this semester as it doesn't seem hard, just a lot of work in the one class.  Oh!  Spring semester I got a 4.0, which makes me be on the Dean's List a second time and making my overall GPA to be a 3.7, yay!

When I come back from my trip, I'm going to talk to one of the advisers from the school I went to transfer to talk about my Bachelor degree stuff.  I am thinking of skipping my Associates and go straight into my Bachelor's to save some time and some money.  Just have to see what I find out from the school before I make that decision.

Thursday, May 2, 2013


Okay... this has been upsetting me since I saw it last night and I can't take it anymore.  My boyfriend was on Reddit and started to wonder if my sister uses the same username for every site she's on.  Clearly she does as he found her as she was posting pictures of her cat and he looked to see where she usually posts out of curiosity.  Then one post caught his eye and he got angry and showed it to me.  Then I got upset, more like hurt since she's saying lies about my family.  Also it proves she's just like our oldest brother. 

All she ever talks about is herself, her fantasy-life of mistreatment, and her cat.  I mean it's reddit and your account, I get it you should talk about yourself, but she talks about her family in many posts.  But never me.  Not to seem like I'm the center of the universe or anything, but I think that if your sister gets cancer you shouldn't act like she doesn't exist.  Which she basically says a few times in posts after I was diagnosed that there is "no family" nearby.  I LIVE 30 MINUTES AWAY!  But around the time I was diagnosed with cancer and my family came down to visit, she told me that she posted on there about helpful donations for my health.  After perusing her entire post history, I can safely say that she never did.  On my surgery day she was not there, why?  Because she had to help with a documentary that day.  It was not job related or school related.  It was for her ex-boyfriend. All she thinks about is herself and ways to make her facade look better to others.

This is what one of her posts read:

"I'm the youngest of five kids. Throughout my 22 years, I've watched my parents bend over backwards for my siblings. I was made to get a job at 16 and start providing for myself, while my 20 year old sister was financially cared for. I had to buy my own car, while my parents paid half for theirs... the list goes on. I would never expect my parents to buy me things like a car, or pay for my schooling, but it certainly rubbed me the wrong way when they did it so readily for my siblings.

It's caused some disagreements between my parents and I. I had to move out when I was 19, but my 25 and 29 year old brother still live at home. They're also completely financially supported by my parents. During hard financial times, I asked my parents if they could lend me some money until my next payday, and they said no because they needed to buy groceries for my 25 year old (unemployed) sister.

It's hard to not see the favoritism in these kind of situations. It's hard not to wonder why your parents wouldn't go to the same lengths for you, and if they care about you the same way they do for their other children. You have to have a conversation with them about this. Do it as non-confrontational as possible. Don't make accusations right away, and use I-statements. Let them know what your perception is and ask what is theirs. I wish you luck, and I'm sorry this is an issue for you."

To note, some of these ages are way wrong as the brother that's 10 years older than her moved out of the house long before she was 19.   Okay, first off only three of us have cars, my two younger sisters and my oldest brother.  My parents helped my oldest brother with his first car and schooling because they were financially able to and they planned to help us others out when we came to college and car, but couldn't (My parents have now moved three times since then).  My oldest brother also got cutoff due to buying expensive items like designer brand shirts and he was warned many times.  It didn't take too long and they cut him off.  The car situation was bad as my dad cosigned for it and when my brother didn't pay for the car, it forced my dad to pay for it. 

My older brother who is 8 years older than my youngest sister didn't ask for much when he was younger.  He never had a car or a job due to medical issues, but gets help from the government, so my parents don't provide for him.  Well other than a roof over his head and driving him to places, which doesn't happen much. 

For myself, again, no car and I had to pay for my cellphone as soon as I got one.  Both of my sisters got free cell phones when they were in school and they were told if someone got a job, one of the phones goes to the working person.  I started working and I got no phone, it took me a little over half a year to get a cell phone and I had to pay for it right away.  I was bad with my money, so I was already cut off and I had to pay for my personal items and sometimes my special foods (stuff that no one else ate in the house) as well, so I'm not complaining (back then I did, but today I find it understanding).  If you are a reader of my blog, you would know I started college last year and getting no help from my parents not even for my medical bills.  Well take that back, my parents paid for my Phi Theta Kappa entrance fee as a gift.  My parents can't afford helping me out and I know they want to, but I know they can't as well as they have too much on their plate already.  I do thank them for being there for me and still there for me.  I love them so much.

My younger sister, who is three years older than my youngest sister, had a job and was paying for her stuff.  My parents plan was to pay for driving school for us kids when we were ready and also if we got a GM car my dad would help with the down payment since he had points with his company for GM cars.  So my dad helped with a down payment on a car and my sister was paying for it.  Then in May my sister, who was 21 at the time, went into the hospital for a month (we think it was a major breakdown now, but not sure) and we thought she was going to die.  Due to health issues and not being able to work much, my dad has helped her pay bills and her car.  Right now they are working on trying to get disability for her in hopes to relieve the financial stress on her and my parents.  She's the only one my parents are currently supporting right now.  The money for the bills and her car were not gifts, but IOUs that my sister will have to pay back.

My youngest sister had been baby'ed a lot over her lifetime.  Both she and the other sister got the cell phones, got to pierce their ears while being under 18/still living at home, got my mom to buy them CDs every week (I wanted comics/manga [Japanese comics] and my mom never brought me one... and they were cheaper too), and among other things.  My sister also had a lawsuit with a car insurance company and won a large among of money, which was used to pay for college and her car... she had also saved money from work, so my parents didn't need to help her when it came to this moment in her life.  On top of that by that time my parents couldn't afford to help her.  She was forced to get a job because she wanted to home school and my mom warned her that was going to happen.  My sister made that choice, not my parents.  Anytime she asked my parents for money for food or any kind of help, it usually turns out she needed it for a tattoo that she didn't need at that moment or most likely drugs (yes I know she's doing drugs... seen it at her place and she admits it too).  Of course, after awhile people will say no to the borrowing if they know it's not for a needed thing.  Though my parents did borrow money from her to help them get their current house, with the history of her blowing thousands of dollars away so fast, of course, my parents are afraid to give her money back so fast (well first off they don't really have the money to give anyways).

My parents may not be perfect, no one is, but to lie so much about not getting any kind of help is unbelievable.  Be happy you had a place to call home, a bed to sleep in, a roof over your head, clothes on your person, and food on your plate, you ungrateful brat.